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Today's jokes [9.29.09]

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His And Hers ATMs

HIS: 
1. Pull up to ATM 
2. Insert card 
3. Enter PIN number and account 
4. Take cash, card and receipt 

HER: 
1. Pull up to ATM 
2. Check makeup in rearview mirror 
3. Shut off engine 
4. Put keys in purse 
5. Get out of car because you're too far from machine 
6. Hunt for card in purse 
7. Insert card 
8. Hunt in purse for tampon wrapper with PIN number written 
on it.
9. Enter PIN number 
10. Study instructions for at least 2 minutes. 
11. Hit "cancel" 
12. Re-enter correct PIN number 
13. Check balance 
14. Look for envelope 
15. Look in purse for pen 
16. Make out deposit slip 
17. Endorse checks 
18. Make deposit 
19. Study instructions 
20. Make cash withdrawal 
21. Get in car 
22. Check makeup 
23. Look for keys 
24. Start car 
25. Check makeup 
26. Start pulling away 
27. STOP 
28. Back up to machine 
29. Get out of car 
30. Take card and receipt 
31. Get back in car 
32. Put card in wallet 
33. Put receipt in checkbook 
34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook 
35. Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook 
36. Check makeup 
37. Put car in reverse gear
38. Put car in drive 
39. Drive away from machine 
40. Travel 3 miles 
41. Release parking brake

1. 




Build Vocabulary. Read up on some computer magazines and
pick out all the jargon and new products. Use it freely when
in conversation with bosses. Remember: They don't have to
understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.

2. 




Two nuns are riding a bike down a road and the first
nun says, "I`ve never come this way before!" and the
second nun says, "Oh, it must be the cobblestone!"

3. 




A middle aged man and woman fall in love, and decide to get married. On their
wedding night they settle into the bridal suite and the bride says to her new
groom, "Please be gentle... I am still a virgin." The startled groom says "How can
that be? You've been married twice..."

The bride responds... "Well you see it was this way: My first husband, he was a
psychiatrist, and all he ever wanted to do was talk about sex. Catching her breath,
she says "My second husband was a stamp collector, and all he ever wanted to do
was............. Oh God, I miss him!"

4. 




Mommy,mommy:can I play with grandma?

               Shut up kid, you dug her up twice last weeek!



                mommy,mommy:I hate daddyis guts.

                 shut up kid and keep eating.


sent by omar


5. 



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