Today's jokes [9.28.09]

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How do you change a blonde's mind?

     Buy her another beer. 

Two Irishmen were digging a ditch directly across from a brothel.
Suddenly, they saw a rabbi walk up to the front door, glance around 
and duck inside. "Ah, will you look at that?" One ditch digger said.
"What's our world comin' to when men of th' cloth are visitin' such
places?"
A short time later, a Protestant minister walked up to the door and
quietly slipped inside. "Do you believe that?" The workman exclaimed.
"Why, 'tis no wonder th' young people today are so confused, what with
the example clergymen set for them."
After an hour went by, the men watched as a Catholic priest quickly
entered the whore house. "Ah, what a pity," the digger said, leaning
on his shovel. "One of th' poor lasses must be ill."

   A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes
   one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the
   window.
   
   Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins
   to stroke her thigh.
   
   As he does this he says to the woman, "Do you know what I'm doing?"
   
   "Yes," she says, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatolegical
   abnormalities."
   
   "That's right," says the doctor. He then begins to fondle her breasts.
   
   "Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asks.
   
   "Yes," says the woman, "you're checking for any lumps of breast
   cancer."
   
   "That's right," replies the doctor. He then begins to have sexual
   intercourse with the woman. He says to her, "Do you know what I'm
   doing now?"
   
   "Yes," she says. "You're getting herpes."
   

A few years  ago some members of the  infamous Dartmouth Outing Club pushed
an  occupied  one-seat outhouse off  its  foundations,  onto its door.  The
victim tried in vain for a  few minutes to roll the  entire building onto a
different side, but soon gave up, as it was too heavy.  She then was forced
to climb out through the seat, and over the pit  near the bottom (now side)
of the outhouse.

The followup  to this episode   was that some  `friends'  seized me  in the
middle of the night and tied my feet in a noose  suspended in a tree.   But
that's another story.

"Look at me." an elderly Yuppie boasted to his guests at his 
birthday bash. "I've aged like a fine old carefully stored wine."

"I certainly have to agree with that." piped-up his obviously long 
suffering wife. "Henry's cork's been stationary for years."

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