Today's jokes [9.26.09]

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On the occasion of their fiftieth wedding anniversary, Billy-Bob decided 
to forego a big party and treat Linda-Sue to a memorable evening at home.
Quietly filling the bathtub with champagne, he called her into the 
bathroom and they spent a sensual evening soaking in the tub by 
candlelight.

When they were finished, Billy-Bob decided he couldn't let all that
expensive champagne go to waste, so he carefully poured it back into the
empty bottles. However, when he was finished, he found he had nearly a 
half-bottle too much.

He screamed to his wife, "Linda-Sue, you NASTY BITCH, you DIDN'T?!?"

The young immigrant couple had just left the courthouse after being sworn 
in as American citizens.
"It is wonderful," the husband exclaimed. "We are American citizens at 
last! Do you know what this means to us my dear wife?"
"Yes, you male chauvinist pig," his wife replied. "Tonight, you cook 
dinner and I get on top!"

A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office
worker asked her, "How many children do you have?"
"Ten," she replied.
"What are their names?" he asked.
"LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy,
and LeRoy," she answered.
"They're all named LeRoy?" he asked  "What if you want them to
come in from playing outside?"
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'LeRoy,' and they all
come running in."
"And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?"
"I just say, 'LeRoy, come eat your dinner'," she answered.
"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked.
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"

A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and
was climbing into bed when his wife complained,
as usual, "I have a headache." 
"Perfect" her husband said. "I was just in the
bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin.
You can take it orally or as a suppository,...
it's up to you!" 

Q: Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
A: Mace. 

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