Today's jokes [9.23.09]

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The politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phone 
rang. He listened intently, and after a moment his face brightened. When 
he hung up, he immediately phoned his mother to tell her the good 
news. "Ma," he shouted, "the results are in. I won the election!" 

"Honestly?" 

The politician's smiled faded. "Aw hell, ma, why bring that up at a time 
like this?"

How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the
world does it take to do the dishes?
      
-Both of them.

Three guys are in a Cessna. The first drops a penny out the window. The 
second drops a pencil and the third a bomb. When the plane lands, the 
first guy goes to see where the penny landed. He sees a guy swearing and 
trying to get a penny out of his forehead. The second sees a girl holding 
her dog who has a pencil through his head. The third guy sees a guy 
laughing his head off. He asks, "Why are you laughing?" The guy says, "I 
was cooking on my BBQ when I farted..." "What's so funny about that?" "It 
blew my neighbor's house apart!"

A man walks into a jewellers shop, unzips his trousers and places
his tool upon the counter. The lady serving says: "I'm sorry Sir,
this is a clock shop not a cock shop." 

"Well, put two hands and a face on this." replies the man. 

One blonde to another...

Have you ever read Shakespeare?

No. Who wrote it?

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