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Today's jokes [9.21.09]

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Two men were walking along the street when they came
upon a dog licking his dick.

One man said, "I sure wish I could do that." 

The other replied, "You can, but you're probably going
to have to pet him first."

1. 




After the first week of sex education class, a young shapely teen stormed 
out of the room after the class was over. Encountering a female friend in 
the hall, the friend asked, "Lori, what in the world is the matter with 
you? You look as if you're about to kill someone." "I am !!!" Lori fumed. 
"You just wait until I catch up with that Dennis. All summer long, that 
clown had me convinced that 'foreplay' involved tossing a coin for 
position."

2. 




A group of cowboys were branding some cattle. While they were out the cook
saw a sheep tied to a post. Thinking it was for that nights dinner he
cooked it. That night after dinner the cowboys were all sulking and
ignoring the cook. He pulled one aside and asked, "Did I screw up the
cooking..." "No", the cowboy replied, "You cooked up the screwing."

3. 




Three guys are in a plane, lost in fog, and they don't know
where they are. The first guy says "I'll find out" and puts
his arm out the plane, then brings it back in  and says
"We're just over Paris"
"How do you know" ask the others
"Well I've just felt the top of the Eiffel tower."
Later on the second guy tries and says "We just flew over London"
"How?" asks the others
"Well I've just felt the top of Big Ben"
Still later on the last guy tries it, puts his arm out the
plane, and says to the others "We have just flown over Glasgow."
"How do you know that?" comes the reply.
"Because some bastard has just stolen my watch"

4. 




What's Britney Spears' next career goal?

                         To learn how to sing.

5. 



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