Today's jokes [9.17.09]

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"Johnny, where's your homework?" Miss Martin said sternly to the little 
boy while holding out her hand. "My dog ate it," was his solemn response. 
"Johnny, I've been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me 
to believe that?" "It's true, Miss Martin, I swear," insisted Johnny. "I 
had to force him, but he ate it!"

One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below 
sea level.  He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he 
had on no scuba gear whatsoever.

The diver went below another 20 feet, but the guy joined him a 
few minutes later. The diver went below 25 feet, but minutes 
later, the same guy joined him. This confused the diver, so he 
took out a waterproof chalkboard set, and wrote, "How the heck 
are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?"

The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had 
written, and wrote, "I'm drowning, you moron!"

During World War II, Hitler told his Nazis to rape as may French women as 
they could then say, "In nine months you will have a baby. Name it Adolf. 
Heil Hitler!" So a young Nazi soldier, eager to do his duty, dutifully 
went out and raped a pretty young French girl. He said, "In nine months 
you will have a baby. Name it Adolf. Heil Hitler!" She replied, "In a few 
weeks you will have a disease. Name it syphillis. Vive la France!"

There is a child molester and a young boy walking through a deep remote 
forest. After a while the boy gets very cold and frightened so he says, 
"Mister i'm scared and cold, please let me go",the child molester cries out,
"You think your scared I have to walk home alone!" 

What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish
funeral?

One less drunk.

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