Today's jokes [9.11.09]

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What's the object of a Jewish football game?

To get the quarter back!

Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test. The
doctor says to the first man, "What is three times three?"
"274," was his reply.

The doctor says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is
three times three?" 

"Tuesday," replies the second man.

The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's
three times three?" 

"Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did
you get that?"

"Simple," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."

   A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had
   prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her. She was a little
   worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing.
   
   "Doctor, the hormones you`ve been giving me have really helped, but
   I`m afraid that you`re giving me too much. I`ve started growing hair
   in places that I`ve never grown hair before."
   
   The doctor reassured her. "A little hair growth is a perfectly normal
   side effect of testosterone. Just where has this hair appeared?"
   
   "On my balls."
   

   In little Johnny's class at school, there's this kid with no arms or
   legs called Philip. Johnny knocks at the door of Philip's house and
   asks if Philip can come out to play soldiers.
   
   "Johnny, you know full well that Philip hasn't got any arms or legs"
   says his mother.
   
   "Yeah, I know that," says Johnny - "I was going to use him as a
   sandbag."
   

In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly 
started massaging the back of the person in front of him. Surprised, the 
man in front turned and snarled, "Just what the hell you are doing?" 
"Well," said the guy, "you see, I'm a chiropractor and I could see that 
you were tense, so I had to massage your back. Sometimes I just can't help 
practicing my art!" "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" the guy 
replied. "I'm a lawyer. Do ya see me fucking the guy in front of me?" 

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