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Today's stories [8.26.09]

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There's a little fellow named Junior who hangs out at Tim Alley's 
Grocery Store. The owner Tim doesn't know what Junior's 
problem is, but the boys like to tease him. They say he is two 
bricks shy of a load, or two pickles shy of a barrel. To prove it, 
sometimes they offer Junior his choice between a nickel and a 

He always takes the nickel, they say, because it's bigger.
One day after Junior grabbed the nickel, Tim got him off to one 
side and said, "Junior, those boys are making fun of you. They 
think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. 
Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?"

Junior said, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd quit doing it!"


If any of you guys out there have ever thought you have balls,
forget about it. This is a true story that just happened at a
wedding at Clemson.
This was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the
wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage at the
microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to
thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support
them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the
bride's and groom's families for coming.
To thank everyone for coming and bring gifts and everything, he
said he wanted to give everyone a gift from him.So taped to the
bottom of everyone's chair was a manila envelope. He said that
was his gift to everyone, and told them to open it.
Inside the manilla envelope was an 8x10 picture of his best man
having sex with the bride. (He must have gotten suspicious of the
two of them and hired a private detective to trail them.) After
he stood there and watched people's reactions for a couple of
minutes, he turned to the best man and said Screw You, he turned
to the bride and said Screw You, and then said I'm out of here.
He got the marriage annulled the next day.
While most of us would have broken it off immediately after we
found out about the affair, this guy goes through with it anyway.
His revenge: making the bride's parents pay for a 300 guest wedding
and reception, letting everyone know exactly what did happen, and
trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of
friends, family, grandparents, etc.

This is his world, we just live in it.


I came home from work one day and my mother was making 
french fries in a Fry Daddy fryer.  I saw her taking out 
soggy french fries and I asked her why is she taking them 
out when they weren't done.  She said the oil keeps 
bubbling up and making a mess.  I just ignored her and went 
into the other room and started to watch Sally Jessy 
Raphael on t.v.  Then I remembered my daughter had just 
refilled my sons bubble blower and the gallon jug you buy 
from Toys R Us looks just like the gallon of oil.  Well 
sure enough.  We almost had bubble fries for dinner. You 
should have seen all the bubbles all over the place.  My 
mother is not usually this senile but this day she outdid 

Sent by Carol


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