Today's stories [8.24.09]

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I was recently in my local pub in Scotland, and it was pretty quiet.
There were several people sitting at the bar with me, and the bar-lady
was reading a paper.

She looked at me, puzzled, and said "John, you do crosswords, don't
you?"
"Yes," I replied, truthfully.
"I've got one here - 'Stranded, as on a desert island', 10 letters, and
the first is 'M'.  Any ideas?"
"Marooned," I said.
The other customers shouted out their orders: "A whusky," "a pint o'
heavy", etc, etc.

Delighted at this display of humour, I refused to pay for a drop.

Safeway has made a $1.7 billion offer for Vons markets.
Says Bob Mills, "The amount of the bid became public
after a checkout clerk was overheard yelling 'Price check
on the company!'"

He adds, "the original offer was $2 billion, but then Safeway
pulled out a huge stack of double-value coupons." 

The Policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the 
posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name.

She said, "I'm Mrs. Ladislav Abdulkhashim Zybkcicraznovskaya 
from the Republic of Uzbekistan visiting my daughter in 
Columbia."

The cop put away his summons book and pen, and said, 
"Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again."

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