Today's jokes [8.9.09]

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The handsome American strode into a department store in Paris, France, 
and headed straight for the lingerie counter. He intently studied the 
array of lacy underthings and the sales lady bustled over to him.

"Do you have something in mind?" she asked.

"I certainly do, ma'am," the American emphatically replied.
"That's why I want a nice gift."

Dear Abby:

I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until 
one night he came home sober....

There's an elderly man and woman sitting in the sunroom of a retirement 
home. The old man says to the woman, "For five dollars, I'll have sex 
with you on that rocking chair over there. For ten dollars, I'll have sex 
with you on that couch. But for twenty dollars, I'll take you to my room, 
light a few candles and give you a romantic evening of passion you'll 
never forget."

The woman considers it a moment and then, after fishing through her 
purse, produces a twenty dollar bill. The man says, "So, you want the 
romantic night in my room, eh?" 

The woman replies, "No, I want four times in the rocker."

Definition of bad lover:

An earthquake occurs during sex. Afterwards he asks the woman if she felt 
the earth move. She says no.

What is the difference between roast beef and pea soup? 

Eveybody can roast beef.

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