Today's jokes [8.3.09]
Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.
Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.
Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
I once wrote a book called How to Keep an Idiot Entertained for Hours. It
went like this: To keep an idiot entertained for hours, read the next
sentence. To keep an idiot entertained for hours, read the previous
sentence." It didn't sell very well. I thought with the short attention
span of people these days it may have been too long, so I rewrote it. The
2nd edition went: "To keep an idiot busy for hours, re-read this sentence."
It's doing pretty good. I have a deal for the sequel. The 3rd edition is
going to go: "Re-read this line." Now, if I could just find the time to
There was this Eskimo girl who spent the night with her boyfriend and next
morning found out that she was six months pregnant.
Last winter I was laid up at home with the flu. My fiancee' called and
volunteered to come over and fix dinner and play nursemaid to me. I
declined, not wanting to pass on the flu to her. "Okay honey", she told me,
"Will wait till after we get married. Then we can spend the rest ofour
lives making each other sick!"
Did you hear about the guy born with two left feet?
He went out one day to buy some Flip Flips...
By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's QuotesToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St
2 3 4 5 6 7 8
9 10 11 12 13 14 15
16 17 18 19 20 21 22
23 24 25 26 27 28 29