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Today's jokes [8.29.09]

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"How did it happen?" the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he 
set the man's broken leg.
"Well, doc, 25 years ago..."
"Never mind the past! Tell me how you broke your leg this morning."
"Like I was saying... 25 years ago, when I first started working on the
farm, that night, right after I'd gone to bed, the farmer's beautiful
daughter came into my room.  She asked me if there was anything I
I said, "No, everything is fine."
"Are you sure?" she asked.
"I'm sure," I said.
"Isn't there anything I can do for you???" she wanted to know.
"I reckon not," I replied.
"Excuse me," said the doctor, "What the hell does this story have to do
with your broken leg?!?!?"
"Well, this morning," the farmhand explained, "when it dawned on me 
what she meant, I fell off the roof!"


Any married man should forget his mistakes,
there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.


An American touring Spain stopped at a local restaurant following a day 
of sightseeing. While sipping his sangria, he noticed a sizzling, 
scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did 
it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that 
you just served?"

The waiter replied, " Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bulls 
testicles from the bull fight this morning.  A delicacy!"

The American, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the hell, I'm on 
vacation! Bring me an order!"

The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per 
day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early 
tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy!"

The next morning, the American returned, placed his order, and then that 
evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.  
After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called 
to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much 
smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!"

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si senor. Sometimes the 
bull wins."


There are three religious truths:

1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the
   leader of the Christian faith.
3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the
   liquor store or at Hooters


Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies.

They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.


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