Today's jokes [8.28.09]

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The United Airline's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay 
flight attendant who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served 
them food and drinks. 

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and 
announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce 
that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if 
you could just put up your trays, that would be super." 

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well-dressed, rather 
exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me 
over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the 
main man can pitty-pat us on the ground." 

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a 
Princess. I take orders from no one." 

To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, 
sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Now 
put the tray up, Bitch."

A man is driving down a country road when he spots a farmer standing in
the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side
of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing
nothing, looking at nothing. The man gets out of the car, walks all the 
way out to the farmer and asks him, "Ah excuse me mister, but what are 
you doing?"

The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."

"How?" asks the man, puzzled.

"Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing
in their field."

A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while
they were drawing. She walked around to look at the artwork.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked
what  the drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like.

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl
replied,  "They will in a minute."

What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting
down and a dog do on three legs?

Shake hands

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F and G
are the letters used to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what
the letters stood for... It is about time you became informed!

{A} - Almost Boobs...
{B} - Barely there.
{C} - Can't Complain!
{D} - Damn!
{DD} - Double damn!
{E} - Enormous!
{G} - GEEEEzus Christ!
{F} - Fake.

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