Today's jokes [8.25.09]

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What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant
woman and a Playboy centerfold?

Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him.

This morning I woke up to the unmistakable scent of pigs in a blanket.

That's the price you pay for letting the relatives stay over.

A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and 
his front bumper smashed. There's no sign of the offending vehicle, 
but he's relieved to see that there's a note stuck under the windshield 
wiper. The lawyer picks up the note. 

"Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who saw the 
accident are nodding and smiling at me because they think I'm leaving
my name, address and other particulars. But I'm not."

You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I
get wet before you do. What am I?

A Tent

Jacob age 85, and Rebecca age 79 are all excited about their decision to 
get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way 
go past a drugstore. Jacob suggests that they go in. He addresses the man 
behind the counter: "Are you the owner?" 
The pharmacist answers, "Yes." 
Jacob: "Do you sell heart medication?" 
Pharmacist: "Of course we do." 
Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?" 
Pharmacist: "All kinds." 
Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?" 
Pharmacist: "Definitely." 
Jacob: "How about Viagra?" 
Pharmacist: "Of course." 
Jacob: "Medicine for memory?" 
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety." 
Jacob: "What about vitamins and sleeping pills?" 
Pharmacist: "Absolutely." 
Jacob: "Perfect! We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts." 

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