Today's jokes [8.24.09]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.

A woman asks her husband if he'd like some breakfast. "Would you like 
bacon and eggs, perhaps? A slice of toast? Grapefruit and coffee to 
follow?" she asks. He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's
really taken the edge off my appetite." 

At lunchtime, she asks if he would like something. "A bowl of home- 
made soup, home-made muffins or a cheese sandwich?" she inquires. 
He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge 
off my appetite." 

Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. She'll go to 
the store and buy him some food. "Would you like maybe a steak and 
apple pie? Maybe you'd like a pizza micro waved or a tasty stir-fry? 
That would only take a couple of minutes." He declines. "It's this 
Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite." 

"Well," she says, "would you mind letting me up, then? I'm starving!"

A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in front
of the big silver back gorillas cage when one woman makes a gesture that
the gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her, yanks her over the 
fence, and takes her to his nest in the pen. There he ravishes her and 
makes passionate love to her for about 2 hours till he is tranquilized, 
and the lady taken to hospital.

Her friend, deeply concerned, visits her the next day. "Are you hurt?"
she asks.

She replies, "Of course I'm hurt! He hasn't called! He hasn't written!"

A lumberjack new to the job had trouble meeting his quota. He worked as
hard as he could, but still he could only chop down two or three trees
in a day.His supervisor noticed this, and asked what was wrong. Maybe
his chainsaw was broken. The supervisor turned it on, but it was working
fine.

The lumberjack looked incredibly startled and asked, "What's that noise?"

A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her
dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for
a snow plow and follow it."

Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She
followed the plow for about forty five minutes. Finally the driver of
the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that
her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a
plow.

The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking
lot, now you can follow me over to K-Mart."

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.

So I said "Implants?"

By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read Today's Stories Today's Poems Today's Quotes Today's Funny Pic   August '09 Jokes Issues: S M T W Th F St 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31