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Today's jokes [8.23.09]

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At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing 
whether men or women were more trustworthy. "No woman," 
said one man, scornfully, "can keep a secret." 

"I don't know about that," huffily answered a woman guest. 
"I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one." 

"You'll let it out some day," the man insisted. 

"I hardly think so!" responded the lady. "When a woman has 
kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it
forever."

1. 




Working With The FBI


The phone rings at FBI headquarters.
"Hello?"
"Hello, is this the FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor Adrian Thibodeaux! He is
hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Thibodeaux's house. They
search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust
open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at
Thibodeaux and leave.
The phone rings at Thibodeaux's house.
"Hey, Adrian! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep"
"Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."

2. 




A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a midwest town he planned to 
visit on his vacation.

He wrote, "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well 
groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep 
him in my room with me at night?"

An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been 
operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a 
dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've 
never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and 
disorderly. and I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, 
indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for 
you, you're welcome to stay here, too."

3. 




The Perfect Worker

1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work in his cubicle.  Bob works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues.  Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5 finishes given assignments on time.  Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks.  Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field.  I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with.  Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.

Addendum:

That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report
sent to you earlier today.  Kindly re-read only the odd numbered
lines.

4. 




Men are from earth.
Women are from earth.

Deal with it.

5. 



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