Today's jokes [8.21.09]

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Just before takeoff one day, a flight attendant approached Muhammad Ali 
and asked that he fasten his seat belt. "Superman don't need no seat 
belt," Ali growled. "Well, Superman," the stewardess replied, "don't need 
no airplane!"

A young man walked into the local welfare office, marched straight up 
to the counter and said, "Hi, I hate drawing welfare. I would really 
rather find a job. The man behind the counter replied, "Your timing is 
amazing. We've just got a listing from a very wealthy man who wants a 
chauffeur/bodyguard for his nympho daughter. You'll have to drive around 
in a big black Mercedes, but the suits, shirts, and ties are provided. 
Because of the long hours of this job, meals will also be provided. You 
will also be required to escort the young lady on her overseas holidays. 
The salary package is $200,000 a year.". The young man said, "You're 
bullshitting me, man!" The man behind the counter said, "Well, you 
started it!"

Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?" "Oh, nothing special. 
I'm having Social Security sex." "Social Security sex?" "Yeah, you 
know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"

Mullah Nasrudin, wisest man in Islam, entered England of a visit.
"Do you have anything to declare?" asked the customs inspector.
"No -- sssssst, bzzz - nothing at all."
"How long do you plan to stay?"
"Oh, about -- ssssssssszzzzt, bzzz -- about three weeks."
"By the way, where did you learn English?"
"From the -- bzzz, bzzz, sszzzzzzzzbzzz -- radio."

The not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science
classroom staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question
directed: "Give four advantages of breast milk."  What to write? He
sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for
the best:

1. No need to boil.
2. Cats can't steal it.
3. Available whenever necessary.

So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a four-part answer. 
Again, what to write?  Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled,
then sighed again. But suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen,
and triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive answer:

4. Available in attractive containers.

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