Today's jokes [8.20.09]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.

A businessman entered a tavern, sat down at the bar, and ordered a double
scotch on the rocks. After he finished the drink, he peeked inside his
shirt pocket, then he ordered another double scotch.
After he finished that one, he again peeked inside his shirt pocket and
ordered another double scotch.
Finally, the bartender said, "Look, buddy, I'll bring you drinks all night
long. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before 
you order another."

The customer replied, "I'm looking at a photo of my wife. When she starts
to look good, then I know it's time to go home."

A blonde named Mary decides to do something really wild. Something she
hasn't done before, so she goes out to rent her first X-rated adult
video.
She goes to the video store, and after looking around for a while,
selects a title that sounds very stimulating.
She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable,
and puts the tape in the VCR.
To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she
calls the video store to complain.
"I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape
but static," she says.
"Sorry about that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which
title did you rent?" the clerk replies.

"Head Cleaner," Mary replies.

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and 
values.
Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"
Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, What was her maiden name?"

Wise men never marry and when they marry they become otherwise.

A Jewish guy in a London hotel calls the operator and asks, in broken 
English with a heavy Lithuanian-Yiddish accent, for number 266418. 
A short time later, someone knocks, and when he opens the door he sees
2 beautiful and sexy girls who asked him: 

Have you ordered 2 shikses for one night? 

By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read Today's Stories Today's Poems Today's Quotes Today's Funny Pic   August '09 Jokes Issues: S M T W Th F St 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31