Today's stories [7.12.09]

Vote for the story that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to story categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your story reading.

From a Southwest Airlines employee....

"Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX, to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, 
insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like 
every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you 
probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a 
sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the 
ceiling.  Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If 
you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before 
assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, 
decide now which one you love more."

She got so technophobic that [when] I gave her a digital
alarm clock for Christmas, she gave it back to me. 
          -- President Clinton, from his speech on Y2K in 
December 1998 in which he describes Hillary's request for a
wind-up clock that won't fail on Jan. 1, 2000.

Sign in a Belgrade hotel elevator: 

    To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin
    should enter more persons, each one should press a number of
    wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order. 

By voting you are helping select today's best story. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best stories to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read Today's Jokes Today's Poems Today's Quotes Today's Funny Pic   July '09 Stories Issues: S M T W Th F St 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31