Today's jokes [7.9.09]

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A gent spots a nice looking gal in a bar goes up
and starts small talk. Seeing that she didn't back
off, he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied.
"That's a nice name," he said warming up the conversation,   
"Who named you,your mother?"
"No, I named myself, she answered.
"Oh, that's interesting, why Carmen?"
"Because I like cars, and I like men,"
she said looking directly into his eyes.
"What's your name?"
"Beerfuck."

Sent by Ron

Why do men take showers instead of baths?

Pissing in the bath is disgusting. 

The local courtroom was packed as testimony began in the
sentencing hearing of a woman convicted of murdering her
husband of 20 years by poisoning his coffee.

The defense attorney knew he had his work cut out for him
trying to make his client appear more sympathetic to the
Judge, especially since she had been so "matter-of-fact"
about the whole thing all during the trial.

"Mrs. Roth," he began, "was there any point that morning
where you felt pity for your husband ?"

"Well...  yeah...  I guess..." she replied.

"And when was that?"  pressed the attorney.

"Well...," she replied, "when he asked for his third cup."

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: "Stop! Stand 
still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and 
kill you."
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was 
astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road.
Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more
step a car will run over you and you will die."
The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the 
corner, barely missing him.
"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh yeah?" the man asked..."And where were you when I got married?"

One day a boy asks his dad,
"What's the difference between a pussy and a cunt?" 
Dad thought for a minute and said, "Come with me."
He took his son to his mother's bedroom, where she
was sleeping nude. "Son," he whispered, "see that
brown soft furry patch? That is a pussy." 
The boy asked, "May I touch it to see how soft and
furry it is?" 
"No!" replied his father. "That might wake up the cunt." 

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