Today's jokes [7.7.09]

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        Two teachers at my high school started a practical joke war
that culminated in a junk mail war of huge proportions.  They
finally called a truce and got it cleared up and the mail stopped,
EXCEPT for the military mail that one had signed the other one up
for.  He wrote (honestly) that he had graduated from a fine college
and was interested in the Marines, Air Force, etc. etc.
        When I left, about two years after this, he was still
getting PHONE CALLS from 2-4 times a month.... they were VERY
persistant even over he (loud) objections that he was 45 and not
interested in a career change...

Two cows were talking in the field one day.

First Cow: Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that's going around?
Second Cow: Yeah, makes you glad you're a penguin, doesn't it? 

Two buddies get together and decide to
go to a whorehouse, one of them tired of
doing it with his wife all the time, the
other not having it done for a long time.
 Anyways the married one goes up and
comes down and says " My wife is much
better".  "Allright" goes the other guy,
" Let me go try the same woman."
Well he goes and screws the whore,
comes than says to his buddy,  " You are
right man, Your wife is much better."

    Three men were drinking at a bar -- a doctor, an attorney
   and a biker. As the doctor was drinking his white wine he said, "For
   her birthday, I'm going to buy my wife a fur coat and a diamond ring.
   This way, if she doesn't like the fur coat she will still love me
   because she got a diamond ring."
   As the attorney was drinking his martini he said, "For my wife's
   birthday, I'm going to buy her a designer dress and a gold bracelet.
   This way, if she doesn't like the dress she will still love me because
   she got the gold bracelet."
   As the biker was drinking his shots of whiskey he said, "I'm going to
   buy my wife a T-shirt and a vibrator. This way, if she doesn't like
   the T-shirt she can go fuck herself!"

A young man fell in a pit one day, and found a 
magic lamp with a genie inside of it. The genie 
said, 'I will grant you three wishes.' The man's 
first wish was to get out of the pit. **POOF** 
He was instantly transported out. He then wished 
for all the gold in the world. **POOF** 
The genie gave him all the gold nuggets in the 
world, all the gold bars, all the gold pebbles, 
etc. The man could not think of anything for his 
third wish, so he went out for a ride in his 
Ferrari. He turned on the radio, and after a few 
minutes, his favorite song came on. He decided to 
sing along: 
'Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Weiner...' 

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