Today's jokes [7.5.09]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.

   On the eve of the couple's tenth wedding anniversary, the still slim
   wife was bragging about her figure. "You know honey," she said, "I can
   still get into the skirts I had before we were married."
   
   "Yeah ?" the husband replied as he turned his attention back to the
   ball game on TV. "I wish to hell I could."

Some women are gathered and the subject of conversation 
turns to sex and then birth control. The first woman says 
"We're Catholic so we can't use it."

The next woman says "I am too but we use the rhythm 
method."

The third woman says "We use the bucket and saucer 
method."

"What the heck is the bucket and saucer method?", the others 
ask.

"Well, I'm five foot eleven... and my husband is five foot two. We 
make love standing up with him standing on a bucket, and 
when his eyes get big as saucers I kick the bucket out from 
under him."

A new American ambassador was being entertained by an African diplomat.
They'd spent the day discussing what the country had received from the
Russians before the new government kicked them out. "The Russians built
us a power plant, a highway, and an airport. Plus, we learned to drink
vodka and play Russian roulette."

The American frowned. "Russian roulette's not a very nice game." The
diplomat smiled. "That's why we developed African roulette. If you
want to have good relations with our country, you'll have to play.
"I'll show you how."

He pushed a buzzer, and a moment later, six magnificently built, nude
women were ushered in. "You can choose any one of those women to give
you oral sex," he told the American.

"That's great," the ambassador said, "but it doesn't seem much like
Russian roulette."

"Oh, it is. One of them is a cannibal."

Q. Whats long, hard and full of semen??

A. A submarine.

Sent by sam

Who makes all the bras for brunettes?
             
Fisher-Price

By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read Today's Stories Today's Poems Today's Quotes Today's Funny Pic   July '09 Jokes Issues: S M T W Th F St 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31