Today's jokes [7.4.09]

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A man goes to a psychiatrist. To start things off, the psychiatrist
suggests they start with a Rorschach Test. He holds up the first
picture and asks the man what he sees.
"A man and a woman making love in a park," the man replies.
The psychiatrist holds up the second picture and asks the man what
he sees.
"A man and a woman making love in a boat."
He holds up the third picture.
"A man and a woman making love at the beach."
This goes on for the rest of the set of pictures; the man says he
sees a man and a woman making love in every one of the pictures.
At the end of the test, the psychiatrist looks over his notes and
says, "It looks like you have a preoccupation with sex."
And the man replies, "Well, you're the one with the dirty pictures." 

What came first, the chicken or the egg? 

     - I'd have to say it was the rooster! 

Johnny missed his final exam due to the flu, but he'd done so well
during the year that the teacher suggests to the principal they give
him an oral exam to make up for the test he'd missed. The principal
agrees so they called Johnny into the office and explain about the
oral test.

First the teacher asks, "Johnny what does a cow have four of, that I
only have two of?"

Johnny replies, "Legs."

So the teacher asks, "Johnny, what do you have in your pants that I
don't have in my pants?"

"Pockets," Johnny replies.

Finally the teacher asks, "And Johnny, what is the capital of Italy?"

"Rome," is his answer.

With that the teacher turns to the principal and asks,
"Well, shall we pass him?"

"Better not ask me," the principal says, "I got the first two wrong!" 

A city boy was visiting the country and wanted to go hunting. 
The farmer lent the boy his gun, telling him not to kill any farm 
animals. 

The city boy headed off and soon after saw a goat. He 
managed to creep into range and finally shot it. Not knowing 
anything about animals, the boy didn't know what he'd killed 
so he ran to the farmhouse and described his kill to the farmer.

"It had two saggy tits, a beard, a hard head and it stunk like 
hell!" said the boy.

"Oh, shit!" said the farmer. "You've shot the wife!"

One day a wife complained, "This wall clock almost killed my mother today.
It fell only seconds after she got up from the couch."
The husband grunted and replied, "The darn clock always was slow."

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