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Today's jokes [7.26.09]

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TOP 10 McGreevey jokes....

  10  NJ state bird - swallow.
  9   New Jersey Turnpike renamed Hershey Highway.
  8   NJ raises terror alert level to lavender.
  7   We know he didn't like bush, but this is ridiculous.
  6   Now we know why McGreevey enjoyed "polling" so much.
  5   What does McGreevey and the Israeli navy have in common?
               Jewish seamen.
  4   NJ DMV now calls rear-end accidents a "mcgreevey".
  3   Gives new meaning to "stuffing the ballot box".
  2   Post headline: "McGreevey goes down!"
  1   It shouldn't take McGreevey long to get out of the governor's
      mansion - he's already got all his schitt packed!

1. 




Chase is very pleased to announce that we are installing new
Drive-thru ATMs where customers will be able withdraw cash
without leaving their vehicle. (Other accounts can also utilise
this facility) Male and Female procedures have been tailored to
best reflect the behaviors of those particular groupings.

PROCEDURE FOR MALE CUSTOMERS:

1. Drive up to the ATM
2. Open the car window
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN
4. Enter amount of cash required and press "enter"
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt
6. Close window
7. Drive away

PROCEDURE FOR FEMALE CUSTOMERS:

1. Drive up to the ATM
2. Reverse back the required distance to align car with ATM
3. Re-start stalled engine
4. Open the car window
5. Find handbag, empty all contents onto the passenger seat and locate card
6. Turn radio down
7. Attempt to insert card into ATM
8. Open car door to allow easier access to ATM due to excessive distance
   between car and ATM
9. Insert card
10. Re-insert card the right way up
11. Ignore the sound of car horn from vehicle behind
12. Search contents of handbag (on passenger seat) to locate diary with PIN 
    written on the inside back page under "Date of Birth"
13. Enter PIN
14. Press "cancel" and re-enter PIN
15. Enter amount of cash required and check make-up in rearview mirror
16. Drum fingertips on steering wheel for one minute, then look at ATM and 
    press "enter"
17. Retrieve cash and receipt
18. Search contents of handbag (on passenger seat) to locate purse and 
    place cash inside
19. Place receipt in back of cheque book
20. Re-check make-up
21. Drive forward two metres
22. Reverse back to ATM ignoring the sound of car horn from vehicle behind
23. Retrieve card
24. Search contents of handbag (on passenger seat) to locate card holder 
    and place card in an empty slot
25. Drive two or three kilometres
26. Release hand brake

2. 




G:  Nobody gets the girl.

PG: The good guy gets the girl.

R:  The bad guy gets the girl.

X:  Everybody gets the girl!

3. 




God made a man and then rested. God made a woman and then no one rested

4. 




Sue reports for jury duty as ordered, and promptly asks to be excused 
because she believes she's prejudice. 

"I took one look at those shifty eyes and that cheap polyester suit and I 
immediately knew that he was guilty as sin." 

"Sit down," says the judge. "That's the prosecuting attorney."

5. 



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