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Today's jokes [7.22.09]

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A driver tucked a note under her windshield wiper and dashed off:

"I've circled the block for 20 minutes. I'm late for an appointment,
and if I don't park here I'll lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses."

Returning, she came back only to find a parking ticket and this note:

"I've circled the block for 20 years, and if I don't give you a ticket,
I'll lose my job... Lead us not into temptation."


I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him $50
that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.

He said, "No  bet, the steaks are too high."


This is a passenger announcement.

The train on platform one, two, three, four, five, six, seven,
eight, nine, ten, eleven and twelve has come in sideways.


A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places" 

The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore"


Police arrested two kids yesterday,
one was drinking battery acid,and the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one and let the other one off.


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