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Today's jokes [7.20.09]

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Boss (too employee): Experts say that humor on the job
relieves tension in this time of down-sizing! Knock, knock.

Employee: Who's there?

Boss: Not you anymore.

1. 




One day, Mr. Phillard rushed his pregnant wife over to the hospital. As the
doctors were prepping his wife, Mr. Phillard's idiot brother Bill arrived
to watch the birth. But when Mr. Phillard saw the blood and everything
else, he fainted. When Mr. Phillard woke up he was in a bed with the doctor
standing above him.

"Mr. Phillard," the doctor said, "you are in the recovery room. Don't
worry, your wife is fine and she had twins, a boy and a girl. Because you
were unconscious and your wife was still under anaesthesia, she requested
that your brother Bill name the kids."

"What! My brother, the idiot! I can't believe you let him! What did he name
them?"

"He named your daughter Denise."

"Hey, not bad! I underestimated my brother. What did he name my son?"

"He named your son Denephew."

2. 




Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head.

Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."

3. 




A guy burned two ears... so they were asking him at the hospital
how it happened.

He said, "I was ironing my clothing and the phone rang...
so instead of the phone I picked up the iron and burned my ear..."

"But how the heck did you burn the other ear?" The doctor asked.

"How do you think I called you people?"

4. 




What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fsh.

5. 



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