Today's jokes [7.15.09]
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For his birthday, little Joe asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said,
"Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 and
your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."
The next day the father saw little Joe heading out the front door with a
suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"
Little Joe told him: "I was walking past your room last night and heard you
telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because
she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a
$280,000 mortgage and no bike!"
A husband and wife came for counseling after 15 years of marriage. When
asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade
listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married.
She went on and on and on; neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness,
loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of un-met
needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the
therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to
stand, embraced and kissed her passionately. The woman shut up and quietly
sat down as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, 'This is what your wife needs
at least three times a week. Can you do this?'
The husband thought for a moment and replied,.. 'Well, I can drop her off
here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish.'
Jewish mother walks her son to the school bus corner on his first day of
"Behave, my Buibaleh" she says. "Take good care of yourself and think about
your mother, Tataleh! And come right back home on the bus, Schein Kindaleh.
Your Mommy loves you a lot, my Ketsaleh!"
At the end of the school day the bus comes back and she runs to her son and
hugs him. "So what did my Pupaleh learn on his first day of school?"
The boy answers, "I learned my name is Jerry."
The doorbell rings in the middle of the night, and the wife gets up to see
who it is. She comes back to bed and the husband says, "Who was that?"
The wife says, "Oh, it was some woman." The husband is freaked out. He
says, "Well, uh, what did she want?"
The wife says, "She wanted to know if the coast was clear!" The husband is
really nervous now. He says, "Well, what did you tell her?"
The wife says, "I told her the coast is a hundred miles from here; how in
the heck do I know if it's clear or not?"
Sent by Lynette
Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a
double-decker bus for a week-end gambling trip to Louisiana . The Brunette
team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde team rode on the top level.
The Brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a great time,
when one of them realized she hadn't heard anything from the Blondes
upstairs. She decided to go up and investigate.
When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the Blondes frozen in
fear, staring straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of
them with white knuckles.
The brunette asked, "What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great
One of the Blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard and whispered...
"YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER
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