Today's jokes [7.10.09]

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The Yugoslav news agency Tanjug reported that Yugoslavian
air defenses had shot down a NATO F-16 just after nightfall
while the jet was on a bombing run.  The plane crashed into
an empty field, creating a huge crater.  Serbian search and
rescue workers have recovered 307 bodies so far, proving
that NATO is using Albanian men, women and children terrorists
to wage their war of terror from the sky.

Jon left for a two day business trip to Chicago.  He was only a
few blocks away from his house when he realized he'd left his 
plane ticket on top of his dresser.  

He turned around and headed back to the house.  He quietly
entered the door, walked into the kitchen.  He saw his wife 
washing the breakfast dishes, wearing her skimpiest negligee.

She looked so good that he tiptoed up behind her, reached out, 
and squeezed her left tit.

"Leave only one quart of milk," she said.  "Jon won't be here for 
breakfast tomorrow."

George W. Bush was passing through an airplane terminal
and he noticed an old man in a long white robe, with a
long white beard, long white hair and carrying two stone
tablets in his arms. He approached the man and asked,
"Aren't you Moses?" But the man wouldn't listen to him
and continued walking. George asked him again, "Aren't
you Moses?" The old man continued ignoring him, even
turning his back on little Bush. George grabs the man's
arm, looks him right in the eye and insists, "Answer me
-- Aren't you Moses?" The man replies, "I'm not saying
shit! The last time I spoke to a Bush I ended up roaming
the desert for 40 years!"

"What's wrong, sonny?" asked the old timer sympathetically, coming over
to the little kid who was sitting on the curb, crying his heart out.
"I'm crying 'cause I can't do what the big boys do!" So the old man sat 
down and wept too. 

How are a blonde's legs like cheese wiz? 

     They're both useless unless they're spread! 

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