Today's stories [6.22.09]

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Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by
   running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck.
   Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they
   pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and
   drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their
   bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate
   still attached to the bumper. A woman was reporting her car as stolen,
   and mentioned that there was a car phone in it. The policeman taking
   the report called the phone, and told the guy that answered that he
   had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They
   arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.


  

Ladies Night Out.

So ... the other day, three friends and I went to this 
"Ladies Night Club." One of the girls wanted to impress us, 
so she pulls out a $10 bill.  The "dancer" came over to us, 
and my friend licked the $10 and put it on his butt cheek.
         
Not to be outdone, my second friend pulls out a $20 bill.  
She calls the guy back over, licks the $20 bill and puts it 
on his other butt cheek.
         
Still attempting to impress the rest of us, my third friend 
pulls out a $50 bill.  She calls the guy back over again, 
licks the $50 bill and again puts it on one of his butt 
cheeks.
        
Now the attention is focused on me.  What could I do to top 
that?  I got out my wallet, thought for a minute ... and 
then the financial analyst in me took over.
        
I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his ass, 
grabbed the $80 bucks and went home.



Sent by Neicey

Tonya Harding supposedly saved an 81-year-old woman's life
at the Lost and Found Bar in Portland by performing CPR on
her (the medics said the woman had merely fainted). Says
Jay Leno: "And I guess out of force of habit she performed
mouth-to-mouth on three bikers at the pool table, too." 

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