Today's jokes [6.6.09]

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What's the difference between a whale and a dyke? 

     Oh, about ten pounds, and a plaid shirt. 

Why do they put strings on tampons?

So you can floss after you eat!

   On their honeymoon night, the burly groom took off his pants and asked
   his bride to put them on. The waist alone was twice her body.
   
   She said, "I can't wear your pants."
   
   "That's right," intoned the groom, "And don't you forget it. I'm the
   one who wears the pants in the family."
   
   The bride took off her panties and asked her husband to try it on.
   
   "No way. I can't get into your panties." he said.
   
   "That's right. And that's the way it'll be until you change your
   attitude." she said and smiled.

                             The Big Horse Race
     
   
Horses in the race are:

1. Passionate Lady
2. Bare Belly
3. Silk Panties
4. Conscience
5. Jockey Shorts
6. Clean Sheets
7. Thighs
8. Big Johnson
9. Heavy Bosum
10. Merry Cherry

At the Post:

They're off! Conscience is left behind at the post.
Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry.
Heavy Bosum is being pressured.
Passionate lady is caught between Thighs and Big Johnson
   in a very tight spot.
At the Halfway Mark it's Bare Belly on top.
Thighs opens up and Big Johnson is pressed in.
Heavy Bosum is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets.
Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly.
Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Johnson.
At The Stretch Merry Cherry cracks under the strain.
Big Johnson is making a final drive.
Passionate Lady is coming.
At The Finish It's Big Johnson giving everything he's got and
   Passionate Lady takes everything Big Johnson has to offer.
It looks like a dead heat but Big Johnson squirts through and
   wins by a head.
Heavy Bosum weakens and Thighs pulls-up.
Clean Sheets never had a chance.
  

How do you tell if you are in a gay church? 
 Only half the congregation is kneeling. 

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