Today's jokes [6.4.09]
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I am a sailor in the US Coast Guard. My parents live in the suburb of
Philadelphia and one of my sisters, who lives in Bensenville, is married
to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for
growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my other
two sisters, who are prostitutes in Jersey City. I have two brothers, one
who is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Attica for rape and
murder of a teenage boy in 1994. The other brother is currently being
held in the Wellington Remand Center on charges of incest with his three
children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute
who lives in the Bronx and indeed is still a part-time "working girl" in a
brothel. However her time there is limited, as we hope to open our own
brothel with her as the working manager. I am hoping my two sisters would
be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to
prostitute themselves, at least it would get them off the street,
and hopefully the heroin... Abby, my problem is this: I love my fiance
and look forward to bringing her into the family and of course I want to
be totally honest with her... Should I tell her about my cousin who voted
Worried about my reputation
Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time.
When I was in jr. high, all I wanted was a girl with big breasts...
In high school, I dated a girl with big breasts, but there was no
So I decided I needed a passionate girl..
In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional..
Everything was an emergency, she cried all the time. So I decided I
needed a girl with some stability..
I found a very stable girl, but she was boring. She never got excited
about anything. So I decided I needed a girl with some excitement..
I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed
from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She was
So I decided to find a girl with some ambition..
After college, I found an ambitious girl and married her. She was so
ambitious, she divorced me and took everything I owned..
Now all I want is a girl with big breasts..
What is the last thing you usually hear before a
'Hey y'all... Watch this!'
A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table
watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap
dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy
the duck from its owner. After some wheelin' and dealin' they settled for
$10000 for the duck and the pot. Three days later the circus owner runs
back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot
before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!" "So?" asked
the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the
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