Today's jokes [6.30.09]
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A six year old comes crying to his Mother because his little
sister pulled his hair.
"Don't be angry," the Mother says, "Your little sister doesn't
realize that pulling hair hurts."
A short while later, there's more crying, and the Mother goes to
This time the sister is bawling and her brother says...
"Now she knows."
An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he
called his lawyer. "I want to become a lawyer. How much is
it or the express degree you told me about?"
"It's $50,000," the lawyer said. "But why? You'll be dead soon,
why do you want to become a lawyer?"
"That's my business! Get me the course!"
Four days later, the old man got his law degree. His lawyer
was at his bedside, making sure his bill would be paid.
Suddenly the old man was racked with fits of coughing and
it was clear that this would be the end. Still curious, the
lawyer leaned over and said, "please, before it's too late,
tell me why you wanted to to get a law degree so badly before
In a faint whisper, as he breathed his last, the old man said,
"One less lawyer . . ."
To make things easier for all of us, please notice this Important Notice
About Notices. You may have noticed the increased number of notices for you
to notice. We notice that some of our notices have been noticed. On the
other hand, some of our notices have not been noticed. This is very
noticeable. It is noticed that the responses to the notices have been
noticeably unnoticeable. This notice is to remind you to notice the notices
and respond to the Notices because we do not want the noticed to go unnoticed.
--NOTICE COMMITTEE FOR NOTICING NOTICES
A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store
laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there's
no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Maybe it's a good thing.
The next day, the man comes back to the store, purchases another condom, and
once again he leaves the store laughing wildly. This piques the interest of
the pharmacist. What's so funny about buying a rubber, anyway?
So he tells his clerk, "If this guy ever comes back, I want you to follow him
to see where he goes."
Sure enough, the next day the laugher is back. He buys the condom, starts
cracking up, then leaves. The pharmacist tells his clerk to go follow the
About an hour later, the clerk comes back to the store.
"Did you follow him? Where did he go?" asks the pharmacist.
The clerk replies "Your house."
Bill Clinton Statue Committee
1040 Waffle Street
Little Rock, Arkansas 72208
We have the distinguished honor of being on the committee for the raising
of $5,000,000.00 for placing a statue of Bill Clinton in the Hall of Fame
in Washington, D.C.
This committee was in a quandary as to where to place the statue. It was
not wise to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never
told a lie, nor beside Jesse Jackson, who never told the truth, since
Bill Clinton could never tell the difference.
We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest
democrat of all. He left not knowing where he was going, did not know
where he was, and returned not knowing where he had been. And he did it
all on borrowed money.
Over 3,000 years ago Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up your
shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the promised
land." Nearly 3,000 years later Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels,
sit on your asses and light up a camel - this is the promised land."
Now, Bill Clinton is going to steal your shovels, kick your asses, raise
the price of camels and mortgage the promised land. If you are one of the
fortunate people who has anything left after paying taxes, we expect a
very generous contribution to the worthwhile project.
Bill Clinton Statue Committee
P.S. It is said that BIll Clinton is considering changing the Democratic
Party emblem from a donkey to a condom, because it stands for
inflation, halts productivity, covers up a bunch of pricks, and it
gives a false sense of security.
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