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Today's jokes [6.29.09]

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For more ahem...adventerous types....

What is "71"?

"69" with two fingers up your ass.

1. 




   Six people were on a plane. A doctor, a lawyer a priest and 3
   children.
   The pilot comes on the radio and says the plane is going to crash,and
   there are only three
   parachutes.
   The doctor yells out, " Save the children"
   The lawyer yells out "FUCK THE CHILDREN!"
   The priest yells out " IS THERE TIME?"
   


2. 




At the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturer and tells 
the class of officers that the session will focus on potential problems 
and the resulting strategies. 
One of the officers in the class begins by asking the first question, 
"Will we have to fight a World War Three?" 
"Yes, comrades, looks like you will," answers the general. 
"And who will be our enemy, Comrade General?" another officer asks. 
"The likelihood is that it will be China." 
The class looks alarmed, and finally one officer asks, "But Comrade 
General, we are 150 million people and they are about 1.5 billion. 
How can we possibly win?" 
"Well," replies the general, "Think about it. In modern war, it is 
not the quantity, but the quality that is the key. For example, in the 
Middle East, 5 million Jews fight against 50 million Arabs, and the Jews 
have been the winners every time." 
"But sir," asks the panicky officer, "Do we have enough jews"?

3. 




A man is giving evidence in court and the defendant's barrister asks him 
"How far from the accident were you when it happened?"
He replied "36 feet, 2 and a quarter inches"
"Nonsence how can you be so precise"
"Well I knew some bloody fool would ask me so I measured it."

4. 




"give me the bad news first."
"You've got AIDS."
"Oh, no!  What could be worse than that?"
"You've also got Alzheimer's Disease."
"Oh.  Well, that's not so bad.  At least I don't have AIDS."

5. 



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