Today's jokes [6.28.09]
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An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove
a "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says "maybe, but you will have to tell me the
exact words that were used to put the curse on you."
The old man says without hesitation
"I now pronounce you man and wife".
Two Texan are sitting in a small town bar, where one bragged
to the other: "You know, I had me every woman in this town,
except my mother and my sister."
"Well," his buddy replied, "between you and me we got 'em all."
A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th
wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife
"Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me
that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now
I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful
experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take all
that away. But,.. I must know, did he have a different father?"
...The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she
paused for moment and then confessed. "Yes. Yes he did."
...The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting
hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks
"Who?.. Who was he? Who was the father?"
...Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she
tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband.
Then, finally, she says "You".
Once the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a
$100 bet on the side. "But," said the duffer, "since you're obviously
much better than I, to even it a bit you have to spot me two'gotchas'."
The golf pro didn't know what a 'gotcha' was, but he went along with it.
And off they went. Coming back to the 19th hole, the rest of the club members
were amazed to see the golf pro paying the duffer $100.
"What happened?" asked one of the members. "Well," said the pro, "I was teeing
up for the first hole, and as I brought the club down, the jerk stuck his hand
between my legs and grabbed my balls while yelling 'Gotcha!' Have you ever
tried to play 18 holes of golf waiting for the second 'gotcha'?"
Did you know there are serial number on condoms.........No?.
I guess you didn't roll them down far enough.
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