Today's jokes [6.26.09]

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Teacher: Little Johnny, go to the map and find North America.
Little Johnny: Here it is!
Teacher: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
Class: Little Johnny!

I recently had surgery on my hand, and asked the doctor if,
after surgery, I would be able to play the banjo. 

He said, "I'm doing surgery on your hand, not giving you a lobotomy." 

What's the worst part about getting a lung transplant?
The first couple of times you cough, its not your phlegm...

   Childhood Diseases
   Two newlyweds went on their honeymoon and were getting undressed
   together for the first
   time. He took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted
   and discolored. "What
   happened to you feet?" his wife asked. "I had a childhood disease
   called tolio." "Don't you
   mean polio?" "No, tolio, it only affects the toes." He then removed
   his pants and revealed
   an awful looking pair of knees. "What happened to your knees?" she
   asked. "Well, I also
   had kneesles." "Don't you mean measles?" "No, kneesles, it only
   affects the knees." When
   he removed his shorts his wife gasped and said, "Don't tell me, you
   also had smallcox!"
   

A young man has always dreamed on owning a Harley Davidson.  One day
he has finally saved up enough money so he goes down to the dealer.
After picking out the perfect bike the dealer warns him that if he 
leaves his Harley in the rain the chrome has a tendency to rust.
He tells the young man an old biker's trick is to keep a jar of
Vaseline handy and smear it on the chrome if the bike must be
left out in the rain.

A few months later the young man meets a woman and falls in love.  She
asks him to come home and meet her parents over dinner.  He readily
agrees and the date is set.  At the appointed time he picks her up on
his Harley and they ride to her parents house.  Before they go in she
tells him that they have a family tradition that whoever speaks first
after dinner must do the dishes.

After a delicious dinner everyone sits in silence waiting for the first
person to break and get stuck doing the dishes.  After a long fifteen
minutes the young man decides to speed things up so he reaches over 
and kisses the woman in front of her family.

And no one says a word...!  Next he decides to take a more direct
approach so he throws her on the table and has sex with her in front 
of everyone.  And still no one says a word...!!!  Now he is getting
desperate, so he grabs her mother and throws her on the table.
They have even wilder sex.  But no one says a word...!!!!

By now he is getting very worried and is wondering what to do next 
when he hears thunder in the distance.  His first thought is to protect 
the chrome on his Harley, so he reaches in his pocket and pulls out
the Vaseline.  And the father says, "Okay dammit, I'll do the dishes."

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