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Today's jokes [6.20.09]

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There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men:

"don't" and "stop". 

1. 




A guy is down on his luck. He takes his last $500 and goes to Las Vegas.
Overnight, he has a fantastic run of luck. He stumbles out of the casino
and finds a pay phone. He calls his wife and says, "Honey, pack your bags.
I just won over a million dollars in Vegas."
His wife say, "That's wonderful. What should I pack for...Europe, the Carribean?"
He says, "I don't care, just be gone when I get home." 

2. 




A Short History of Medicine



I have an earache...

2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.

1000 A.D. - That root is heathen.  Here, say this prayer.

1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition.  Here, drink this potion.

1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil.  Here, swallow this pill.

1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective.  Here, take this antibiotic.

2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial.  Here, eat this root.



3. 




"Doctor," the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't get
it up for my wife anymore.

"Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can
do."

The next day, the worried fellow returned with his wife. "Take off your
clothes, Mrs. Thomas," the medic said. "Now turn all the way around. Lie
down please. Uh-huh, I see. Okay, you may put your clothes back on."

The doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health," he said.
"Your wife didn't give me an erection either."

4. 




What part of a woman does a man like looking at best?
The top of her head.

5. 



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