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Today's jokes [6.16.09]

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Mother: What seems to be the problem with you? You have been married three 
years and still no children. I had hopes of being a grandmother by now. 
Daughter: I just don't know, Mom! Billy tries all the time, it's just that 
I have a lot of trouble swallowing.


A psychiatrist met a friend and exclaimed, "I heard you died."
"But you see I'm alive ," smiled the friend. "Impossible," said the 
psychiatrist. "The man who told me is much more reliable than you."


Do you know the difference in sugar and Sweet-n-Low?
Sugar is when you kiss her on the lips! 


A drunk leaves a bar and decides to take a shortcut through
a graveyard. It is raining heavily and very dark. The drunk
fails to see an open grave and falls into it. He tries to
climb out of it, but it is too deep and the rain has turned
the dirt to mud and has made it too slippery to climb. He
gives up after a while and decides to spend the night there.
     A while later, another drunk leaves the same bar and
decides to take the same shortcut through the graveyard. He,
too, falls into that open grave and tries to climb out but
the mud is too slippery. The first drunk is still sitting
there and watches as the other drunk tries but fails to get
     The first drunk stands up, taps the second drunk on the
shoulder and tells him, "You'll never get out!".
     He did.


Way down in the deep south, in an area known as the 'Bible Belt,'
there lived a Baptist minister with a very large congregation.  One
morning, after a particularly moving sermon, he announced, "Friends I
have been hearing very nasty rumors!"

The crowd fell into an expectant silence.  The Minister continued,
"One of you, here among us, has been reporting that I am a member of
the dreaded 'Klu Klux Klan.'  This, of course, is not true!  I am
asking that the guilty party confess and apologize now - right  here
- before my flock of loyal followers."

A young woman quickly stood up blushing and trembling and pled,
"Preacher, please, I don't know how this all came to be.  I just
mentioned to one of my close friends that you were a wizard under
the sheets."


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