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Today's jokes [6.15.09]

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Judy arrived home from her date, tossed her coat over a chair, her handbag 
over the banister, she threw her clothes around the bedroom without care. 
The next morning at breakfast, her mother asked her if she had a good 
time?
"Oh", sighed Judy, "I had a wonderful time."
"I thought as much", her mother remarked, "Your underpants are still stuck 
to the ceiling!"

1. 




A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something
about his girlfriend being out in the car.
The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. 
When he looked inside the car, he saw the drunk's buddy, Pete, and his 
girlfriend going at it in the back-seat. The bartender shook his head and 
walked back inside. He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good 
idea to check on his girlfriend.
The drunk staggered outside to the car, saw Pete and his girlfriend
entwined, then walked back into the bar laughing. "What's so funny?" the
bartender asked.
"That damned Pete!" the drunk chortled, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's 
me!"

2. 




A duck walks into a general store and asks the manager,"Got
any fresh fruit?"
"No."
"Got any fresh vegetables?"
"No. We have only canned and dry goods."

The next day, the duck returns.
"Got any fresh fruit?"
"No."
"Got any fresh vegetables?"
"No. I told you yesterday, we have only canned and dry 
goods. If you come back tomorrow and ask me the same 
question, I'll nail your flippers to the floor."

On the 3rd day, the duck walks in and asks,"Got any nails?"
"No."
"Got any fresh fruit?"

3. 




There was a cowboy who went to the outhouse. He heard some noise, so he 
looked inside, and lo and behold there was an Indian down in the hole.
The cowboy said, "How long have you been down there?"
The Indian replied, "Many moons."

4. 




Q: What's the difference between white onions, brown onions and a 14 inch 
dick?
A: Nothing. They all make woman's eyes water.


5. 



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