Today's jokes [6.14.09]

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Late one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving 
very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled 
the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that 
evening.

"Aye, so I have. 'Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads 
stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then 
there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these 
mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o' 
those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O' course I 
had to go in for a couple of Guiness - couldn't be rude, ye 
know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for 
later .." And the man fumbled around in his coat until he 
located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for 
inspection.

The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you 
to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test."

Indignantly, the man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me?!?"

A decorated war veteran, fresh off the bus, is looking for a place to 
stay. He hears that room and board is available from the three old 
spinsters at the edge of town, but is advised they are very picky in 
letting strangers stay there.  He decides to chance it, and limps on up to 
the front door.
His knock is answered by Gladys.  "What do you want, sonny?" she asks him.
"Ma'am, I'm just looking for a hot meal and a room for the night," he
answers.
The other two old spinsters gather around the door.  "Who's out there? 
Does he look decent?" they ask.
Gladys says, "It's a soldier, and he's got a Purple Heart on."
The other two spinsters giggle and say, "The hell with what color it is...
let him in!"

What do you call a villager with 500 girlfriends?

A shepherd.

Two bikers were talking at a bar.
"How's married life?" asks the first.
"It's fine," says the second.
"How's the sex?" asks the first.
"Fine," says the second, "At least I don't have to wait in line!"

Husband: Want a quickie?

Wife: As opposed to what? 

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