Today's jokes [6.13.09]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

How many can you afford?

An Indian gentleman on his first visit to the USA visited the foreign
exchange to exchange some Rupees. He handed to the cashier 100,000Rps
and after a quick calculation on the calculator, was given $50.45 with
a typical "service" smile and "Have a nice day!"

The Indian promptly spent this and returned the next day with another
wad of Rupees. He handed the same cashier 100,000Rps and put his hand
out for his $50.45, instead he received $48.78.

He questiond bitterly Ooh! vy less !!??" Whereupon the cashier replied
"Fluctuations!"

He screamed back "FLUCK YOU AMERICANS, TOO!" I'm going back to Delhi!!! 

How do you make a gay baby cry?

Take the pacifier out of his ass.

CONDOMINIUM

A prophylactic for midgets.

Moon Mission

NASA is launching a rocket to the moon. On board there are two  pigs and 
Kiki, a stunning blonde. When the rocket is outside the stratosphere, the 
first stage drops off.
Contact is made: "Houston here, Pig 1, Pig 1, do you read us? Over."
"Oink, oink, here Pig 1, read you loud and clear."
"Pig 1, do you still know your instructions?"
"Yes, when we get to the moon, I press the red button to initiate the moon 
landing. Over."
"That's right. Over and out."
They go on until the rocket separates its booster stage.
"Hello, Pig 2? Come in please."
"Oink, oink, here Pig 2, read you loud and clear."
"OK, Pig 2 do you remember your instructions?"
"Yes, when we've landed on the moon and are ready to leave, I press on the 
green button to initiate the launch program."
"That's right, Pig 2. Over and out."
An hour later, when the rocket has achieved the correct speed the last 
stage drops off as planned. Ground control contacts the astronauts again.
"Houston here, Kiki, come in. Kiki do you read us?"
"Kiki here, reading you loud and clear."
"Kiki, do you remember your instructions?"
"Yes," Kiki says, "I feed the two pigs and keep my hands off any buttons."

By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read Today's Stories Today's Poems Today's Quotes Today's Funny Pic   June '09 Jokes Issues: S M T W Th F St 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30