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Today's jokes [6.12.09]

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A bus stops and two Italian men get on.  They sit down and engage in an 
animated conversation.  The lady sitting behind them ignores them at 
first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say 
the following: 
"Emma come first.  Den I come.  Den two asses come together.  I come 
once-a-more.  Two asses, they come together again.  I come again and pee 
twice.  Then I come one lasta time. 
"You foul-mouthed swine" retorted the lady idignantly. 
"In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!" 
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man.  "Who talkin' abouta sex? 
I'm a justa tellin' my friend how to spell a 'Mississippi'." 


1. 




A young lady had just visited her doctor and he informed her 
that she was pregnant.  The young lady had been married for 
ten years and had wanted a baby very badly.  As she sat on 
the bus, on her way home, she felt that she had to share the 
good news with someone.  The gentleman sitting next to her 
seemed as good as anyone to share the good news with. 

Sir, she said, I just received the best news you could ever 
imagine.  I have to share it with someone or I'll bust.  She told 
him the news that the doctor had told her about being pregnant.

The man shared her enthusiam as he shared his expierence.  
He said he was a farmer and he had trouble with his hens 
laying eggs.  He stated that he went out to the hen house one 
morning and all of his hens had layed eggs. He was so happy. 
he added, "but confidentially, I changed cocks."

The newly pregnant woman responded, "Confidentially, me 
too."

2. 




One Friday afternoon two women are sitting on the front porch. 

The first woman says, "Here comes my husband with a bunch of flowers.
That means I'll be on my back with my legs in the air all weekend." 

The other woman asks, "Why, don't you have a vase?" 

3. 




   A young girl had not been feeling well and went to her family doctor.
   "Young lady," said
   the doctor, "you're pregnant." "But that can't be. The only men I've
   been with are nudists
   and in our colony we practise sex only with our eyes." "Well my dear,"
   said the doctor,
   "someone in that colony is cockeyed."
   


4. 




Q. Why is psycho- analysis so much easier for men rather
than women? 
A. Because when it comes time to revert to childhood, men
are already there.

5. 



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