Today's poems [5.6.09]

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There once was a guy named Dave,
Who dug up a whore from a grave.
She was moldy and shitty,
And only had one titty
But look at the money he saved!

Redneck family tree

     Many many years ago
     when I was twenty three,
     I got married to a widow
     who was pretty as could be.

     This widow had a grown-up daughter
     Who had hair of red.
     My father fell in love with her,
     And soon the two were wed.

     This made my dad my son-in-law
     And changed my very life.
     My daughter was my mother,
     For she was my father's wife.

     To complicate the matters worse,
     Although it brought me joy,
     I soon became the father
     Of a bouncing baby boy.

     My little baby then became
     A brother-in-law to dad.
     And so became my uncle,
     Though it made me very sad.

     For if he was my uncle,
     Then that also made him brother
     To the widow's grown-up daughter
     Who, of course, was my step-mother.

     Father's wife then had a son,
     Who kept them on the run.
     And he became my grandson,
     For he was my daughter's son.

     My wife is now my mother's mother
     And it makes me blue.
     Because, although she is my wife,
     She's my grandmother too.

     If my wife is my grandmother,
     Then I am her grandchild.
     And every time I think of it,
     It simply drives me wild.

     For now I have become
     The strangest case you ever saw.
     As the husband of my grandmother,
      I am my own grandpa!

            There once was a woman from York 
            Who used to eat shit with a fork. 
                Her son said, "You goon, 
                You eat shit with a spoon. 
            It`s pork that you eat with a fork." 

There was a young fellow named Charteris 
               Put his hand where his young lady's garter is. 
                    She said, "I don't mind, 
                    And up higher you'll find 
               The place where my fucker and farter is." 

Drink

I fell in love with a dry martini
But now she`s gone
And passed away...
Or rather, passed right through me.

After that, I drank some coffee
So momentarily
I found sobriety


She made me high
She gave me kicks
She made me ill
I was only six!

© 1989 Peter Hughes.

Sent by Pete Hughes

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