Today's poems [5.29.09]
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There was a young man from St. Paul
Whose cock was exceedingly small.
Now it might do for a keyhole
Or a little girl's peehole.
But for a big girl like me, not at all.
Twas the night before christmas and all through the house,
everybody was stoned, even a mouse.
The stockings were stuffed with pretzels and beer,
and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer.
The children were wrestling quietly in bed,
with sexy visions of masterbating in their heads.
All of sudden there came such a clatter,
I jumped off my wife's back to see what was the matter.
He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell,
from the sound of the crash i knew the fat motherfucker fell.
He snapped to his feet in a sudden flash,
he forgot to cover the crack of his ass.
He showed me the bird from his stubby little hands,
then he whipped out his box of sex toys and giant rubber bands.
All were thrown on the Tree at the same time,
He jumped with the fucking clock chimed.
He flew up the chimney just as fast as he came down,
I could tell he was some kind of professional clown.
He whipped dasher, dancer, and prancer, and vixon,
He kicked comit, cupid, donder and blitzen.
He shrieked loudly into the pale midnight,
Piss on all of you, and have a hell of a night!
Sent by Rob
There was a young fellow named Perkin
Who was always jerkin' his gherkin.
His wife said, "Now, Perkin,
Stop jerkin' your gherkin:
You're shirkin' your ferkin'---you bastard!"
The cross-eyed old painter McNeff
Was color-blind, palsied, and deaf.
When he asked to be touted
The critics all shouted:
"This is art with a capital F!"
There was a young lady named Rackstraw,
Titillated herself with a hack-saw.
As a result of this action
She no longer has traction,
And a penis feels just like a jackstraw.
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