Today's poems [5.19.09]

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There was an old fellow named Rapp 
            Who had a job all considered a snap. 
                In the insane asylum 
                He'd grade cunts and file 'em, 
            And bi-weekly he'd rub up their nap

Razors pains you,
Rivers are damp;
Acids stains you'
And drugs cause cramps.
Guns aren't lawful,
Nooses gives;
Gases smells awful,
You might as well live.

         ---Anon

By a cozy peat fire in O'Dell, 
               Sat a Scot and a Mick, I hear tell. 
                    "I'm full," cried O'Brien. 
                    Said McLoed,"Well, I'm buyin'." 
               Sure and now, that's a cold day in hell. 

A shapely young lady name Jenna 
            Colored her pubics with henna. 
                On a beach she was crude 
                And sunbathed in the nude. 
            She was promptly invited to dinner. 

A daring young maid from Dubuque 
               Risked a rather decided rebuke 
                    By receiving a prude 
                    In the absolute nude, 
               But he gasped, "If you only could cook!"

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