Today's jokes [5.9.09]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.

Q: Mommy, Mommy! What's an orgasm?
A: I don't know dear, ask your father.

   This man was having problems getting it up to have sex with his wife,
   so he went to the
   doctor for advice. The doctor told him the next time he wanted to have
   sex, to stick his
   finger in his wife's pussy, and then rub it under his nose, and the
   smell would cause his
   hormones to kick in, and he would obtain an erection. That night, he
   decided to make his
   move. He turned out all the lights and got into bed. He put his finger
   in her pussy, and then
   rubbed it under his nose. He felt a tingling in his cock, and it began
   to stiffen. Amazed, he
   decided to see what would happen if he used two fingers. He stuck them
   in her pussy, then
   rubbed them both under his nose, and his cock quickly jumped to 3/4
   erect. He decided to
   try 3 fingers, so he put them in her pussy, then rubbed them all
   around under his nose.
   Soon he was sporting the biggest hard on he could remember. He said,
   "Honey, quick
   turn on the lights, and check this out!" She turned on the lights, and
   with his dick standing
   tall, he proudly asked, "What do you think?" She looked at him and
   said, "Looks like the
   worst nose bleed I've ever seen!"
   

An old man and an old lady are getting
ready for bed one night when all of a
sudden the woman bursts out of the
bathroom, flings open her robe and yells:
"Super Pussy!"

The old man says: "I'll have the soup."

   Things That Sound Dirty At The Office But Aren't
   I need you to whip it out by 5:00!
   Mind if I use your laptop?
   Put this in my box before you leave.
   I want it on my desk now!
   Hmm.. I think I'm out of fluid.
   My equipment's so old, it takes forever to finish!
   It's an entry level position.
   When do you think you'll be getting off today?
   It's not fair... I do all the work while he just sits back!
   

How come Mike Tyson's eyes always water during sex? 

     Mace... 

By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read Today's Stories Today's Poems Today's Quotes Today's Funny Pic   May '09 Jokes Issues: S M T W Th F St 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31