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Today's jokes [5.8.09]

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 year old man comes to his doctor looking depressed.
He says "Doc, I think I'm impotent." Doctor sits him
down and begins the standard speech he gives to senior
citizens, about how as the body ages bodily functions
slow down and it is completely normal to suffer some
decrease in sexual desire. How the man shouldn't worry
or become upset about it, but should just relax and
things will probably be completely fine and blah blah
blah. Finally the doctor asks "When did you first
begin to think you were impotent?"

"Three times last night, and again this morning." 

1. 




Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A: Because they don't have balls to scratch.


2. 




Q: When does a person decide to become an accountant?
A: When he realises he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an
             undertaker. 

3. 




A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.
Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the 
problem?"
"My mother died in June," he said, "and left me $10,000."
"Gee, that's tough," he replied.
"Then in July," the friend continued, "My father died leaving me $50,000."
"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed."
"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."
"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad."
"Then this month," continued, the friend, "nothing!" 

4. 




What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
"Dam".

5. 



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