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Today's jokes [5.30.09]

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How can you tell soap operas are fictional? 

     - In real life, men aren't affectionate in bed. 


Dr. Cutter is the local Veterinarian, known for his wry humor.  He
surpassed himself one summer day when a city dog was brought to him
after an encounter with a porcupine.

After almost an hour of prying, pulling, cutting and stitching, he
returned the dog to its owner, who asked what she owed.

"Fifteen dollars, Ma'am," he answered.

"Why that's simply outrageous!" she stormed.  "That's what's wrong with
you Maine people, you're always trying to over charge summer visitors.
Whatever do you do in the winter, when we're not being gypped here?"

"Raise porcupines, Ma'am."


Jessica was toweling off in front of the mirror when she noticed a few
   gray pubic hairs. She bent down and said to her privates... "I know
   you haven't been getting much lately...but I didn't know you were so
   worried about it!"


Why did Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley split up? 

     He wanted children and she didn't want to get a sex change. 


An Australian joke...

St Peter is standing at the pearly gates one day when a pair of Abo's 
stroll up.
"Your names aren't on today's list... let me go and ask the Boss" he says.
In God's office he tells the Big Man all about the two Abo's, and God
tells Peter to go and tell them to fuck right off.
St Peter takes his leave. 
5 minutes later St Peter runs back into the room and says "they're gone"
God says "the Abo's? Good". 
and St Peter replies... "NO THE PEARLY GATES!!!".


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