Today's jokes [5.28.09]

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   Little Johnny

   A traveling salesman rings this doorbell. 10 year old little Johnny
   answers, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar. The salesman says, 
   "little boy is your mother home?" Little Johnny taps his ash on the
   carpet and says, "what do you think?"
   

At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 8 men and 4 women:

Defendant: "Your Honor, I wish to change my plea."

Judge: "Is someone using undue influence to prompt you to 
change your mind?"

Defendant: "No sir, when I pleaded Not Guilty I didn't know 
there would be women on the jury. Since I can't even fool my 
wife, I'll never be able to fool the four women jurors."

"Dear Reyer School, God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your 
recent senior citizen's luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the county 
home for the aged. All my people are gone. It's nice to know that someone 
thinks of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady.
My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio, but would never let me 
listen to it. The other day her radio fell and broke into a lot of pieces. 
It was awful. She asked if she could listen to mine, so naturally I told 
her to go fuck herself.

             Sincerely,
             Edna Johnston" 

A guy driving a truck in the middle of nowhere picks up a hitch-hiker.
It gets dark and the hitch-hiker falls asleep. Suddenly bang, and the
hitch-hiker wakes up,"what the hell was that?". The truck driver
replies, "some kinda animal, go back to sleep."
Further the same thing again, bang, "What the hell was that?",
"some kinda animal again."
Further into the night, bang, bang, bang, "What the hell was that?",
"Some bastard!". "How terrible",says the hitch-hiker, "but there were
3 bangs"
The truck driver replies, "Yeah, well I had to go through two fences
to get the bastard. . ."

A visiting conventioneer from Saskatchewan walked into a bar in Greenwich 
Village and sat next to a rather attractive woman.
"Hi," he said, "I'm new in town. Can I buy you a drink?"
"Get lost," she remarked, "I am Lesbian."
"Oh, really?" he asked, "How are things in Beiruit?"

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