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Today's jokes [5.27.09]

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"What happened?" asked the hospital visitor of the 
heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed.

"Well, I went down to Margate at the weekend and 
decided to take a ride on the roller coaster.  As 
we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed 
a little sign by the side of the track.  I tried
to read it but it was very small and I couldn't make 
it out.  I was so curious that I decided to go round 
again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn't see 
what the sign said.  By now, I was determined to read 
that sign so I went round a third time.  As we reached 
the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view."

"And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?" 
asked the visitor.

"Yes."

"What did it say?"

"Don't stand up in the car!"

1. 




A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the
blonde behind the wheel was knitting.
The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the
driver--"PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "SCARF!"

2. 




Abraham wants to upgrade his PC to Windows 95.
Isaac is incredulous. 'Pop,' he says, 'you can't run Windows 95 on your
old, slow 386. Everyone knows that you need at least a fast 486 with a
minimum of 16 megs of memory in order to multitask effectively with 
Windows 95.'
But Abraham, the man of faith, gazed calmly at his son and replied, 'God
will provide the RAM, my son'.



3. 




What is the title of the new Vietnamamese cookbook ?

100 way to wok your dog.

4. 




Isaac and Hymie were two tired Brooklyn businessmen who were
ordered to take a Caribbean cruise by their doctors. The second night
out on the way to Martinique they were leaning against the rail,
looking at the big bright tropical moon on the sea, really starting
to unwind.
        Suddenly the rail broke and both Jews fell screaming into the
ocean. They came up gasping and spluttering and saw the ship sailing
away from them into the darkness. As Isaac had fallen overboard he had
managed to grab a life preserver, and now he clung to it, desperately
treading water. "Hyman!" he called out, "Hyman, can you float alone?"

"Oy vay!" called out Hymie from the dark waters. "Vat a time to
talk business!"

5. 



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