Today's jokes [5.21.09]

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A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, "Would you like to dance?"
The girl says, "I don't like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn't 
dance with you."
The guy says, "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look 
fat in those pants."

Two children are in a doctor's waiting room, and one of them is crying. 
"Why are you crying?" asked the other child. 
"I'm here for a blood test, and they're going to cut my finger." 
When he heard this, the other child started to cry. 
"Why are you crying?" 
"I'm here for a urine test."

 Nuns at a church wanted to watch TV. The first one said she wanted to
watch the INDY 500. The second one wanted to watch the sexy Shawn Michels
on WWF. The third nun said she wanted to watch the knitting channel so she
can knit some mittens for the kitchen. The fourth nun said she wanted to
watch the discovery channel on how a baby is born. After some dicussion,
they all decided to flip channels every 2 seconds so they can watch the
same things.
This is what is sounded like:
And they're off! They're on top of each other! In...Out...In...Out...and
yes, the baby is born!

Pappy sees Elmer walking with a lantern and asks, "Where ya 
going boy?"

The son smiled and replied, "I'm a-going courting Peggy-Sue."

The Father said, "When I went a-courtin', I didn't need me no 
dang lantern."

"Sure Pa, I know." the boy said. "And look what you got !"

How do you tell two KKK members apart?



Ask their wife. After all, she's their mother....

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